Twas The Night Before Christmas YuGiOh! Style!
by Mordecai-The-Meek
Summary: A reading of Twas the Night Before Christmas--with all the YGO gang's comments. ^.^ Please R+R! Happy Holidays!


Disclaimer: I do not own YGO, nor do I own this poem, NOR do I clam to own them, so please don't sue me.  
  
Duet: Hello! I've decided that, in the holiday spirit, I should write a mockery of "was the Night". And to help me are the YGO gang. The Yami's are not here because (1) I have enough trouble writing the others, I don't need more. (2) Can you _imagine_ them snuggling down for this? Anyway, here's the ficcie and I hope you enjoy it.  
  
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//'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house//  
  
//Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse//  
  
  
  
Tea: Except for Joey and Tristan, who were downstairs, pigging out.  
  
Joey/Tristan: Oi! *are insulted*  
  
Seto: Here, eat these and _shut up_. *Tosses Candy Canes*  
  
Joey/Tristan: *are crunching happily*  
  
Yugi: That's not how you eat them!  
  
Duet: Let it go this time. It won't do you any good.  
  
  
  
//The stockings were hung by the chimney with care//  
  
//In hopes that Saint Nicholas soon would be there//  
  
  
  
Yugi: Do we even _have_ a chimney?  
  
Duet: I do! ^-^  
  
Bakura: Don't worry about it.  
  
Joey: I'm hoping the _piazza guy_ soon will be here!!  
  
Tristan: Mmmm, our large pepperoni, anchovy, and pineapple piazza!  
  
Both: *are drooling*  
  
Tea: That is _gross_!  
  
Mai: What? The guys, the drool, the piazza, or the fact they "borrowed" your cash to pay for it?  
  
Tea: WHAT?!  
  
  
  
//And all the duelists were nestled, all snug in their beds//  
  
//While visions of Sugarplums danced in their heads//  
  
  
  
Mai: I'm _not_ tucked into bed! Ever!  
  
Seto: Ditto. And I've _never_ had _Sugarplums dancing_ in my head.  
  
Yugi: Well-- I don't dream of Sugarplums!  
  
Bakura: *is patting Yugi's head* Of course m'dear.  
  
Joey: What _are_ Sugarplums anyway?  
  
Tea: Fairies!  
  
Duet: Wrong story.  
  
Tristan: Sounds like candy!  
  
  
  
//Mama in her kerchief and I in my cap//  
  
  
  
Tristan: A baseball cap?  
  
Bakura: No, a sleeping cap.  
  
Mai: Sounds tacky.  
  
  
  
//Had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap//  
  
  
  
Seto: And apparently didn't bother to wake it up before writing this.  
  
Yugi: That's mean.  
  
Mai: It also explains a lot.  
  
//When out on the lawn arose such a clatter//  
  
//I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter//  
  
  
  
Mai: Still in the tacky cap?  
  
Duet: How can you _spring_ from bed? I can barely _crawl_ out.  
  
Yugi: Actually you spring from bed a lot when you've overslept again.  
  
Duet: O. *is annoyed*  
  
Bakura: And meanwhile, the oblivious Mama continues to have her winters nap.  
  
  
  
//Away to the window I flew like a flash//  
  
//Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash//  
  
  
  
Seto: O.o And since when do windows have sashes?  
  
Mai: Sashes don't look nice at _all_.  
  
Tea: I think the meaning's different.  
  
Bakura: *writes down "window sashes" next to "Sugarplums" on his List-of- Things-to-Look-Up*  
  
Tristan: *as Mama* You baka! Have you torn my shutters again??  
  
Joey: *as author* But-But-there was this _clatter_! Honest!  
  
Tristan-as-Mama: Are you drunk again?  
  
Joey-as-author: Hiccup! ^-^  
  
  
  
//The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow//  
  
//Gave a luster of midday to objects below//  
  
  
  
Tea: Not a _word_. *is swinging her hentai-bashing-purse*  
  
Joey/Tristan: .*are cowed*  
  
Duet: Except it would be whiter!  
  
Bakura: What?  
  
Duet: The luster. Midday luster is yellowy and Midnight luster is whiter. . Bakura: Ooookaaaay.  
  
  
  
//When what to my wondering eyes should appear//  
  
//But a minature sleigh with eight tiny reindeer//  
  
  
  
Yugi: But Santa couldn't _fit_ in a mini sleigh anyway, could he?  
  
Bakura: I feel sorry for those reindeer.  
  
Duet: Don't worry, it's magic!  
  
All: *are happy*  
  
Others: *sweatdrop*  
  
  
  
//With a little old driver so lively and quick//  
  
//I knew in a moment in must be--//  
  
  
  
Seto: A dueling monkey.  
  
Joey: What! You _jerk_!! *lunges at Seto*  
  
Yugi: *is holding Joey down*  
  
Tristan: Really? I was hoping it was the piazza boy.  
  
Mai: I think the line goes "Saint Nick"  
  
Tristan: Ooohhh.  
  
  
  
//Swifter than eagles his coursers they came//  
  
//And he whistled and shouted and called them by name//  
  
  
  
Seto: Coursers.?  
  
Tristan: I think you've got another for your list Bakura.  
  
Bakura: *writes it down* Check! ^-^  
  
  
  
//Now Dasher, now Dancer, now Prancer and Vixen!//  
  
//On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen!//  
  
  
  
Tea: Dancer! *is sparkling*  
  
Mai: And Vixen too! ^.~*  
  
Joey: *Snort*  
  
Mai: . *slaps*  
  
Joey: @.@ *is in pain*  
  
Yugi: What about Rudolph?  
  
Seto: *sweatdrop* Um, he came after the poem.  
  
Yugi: Okay! *is happy*  
  
Bakura: I thought it was _Donder_? *is confuzzled*(1)  
  
  
  
//To the top of the porch to the top of the wall//  
  
//Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!//  
  
  
  
Mai: Dash away! *whipcrack*  
  
Joey: O.o* Oookkaay, Mai is a _bad_ Santa Claus.  
  
Seto: *is plaintive* Can _I_ dash away now?  
  
Duet: Hmmm, NO! Next verse! *whipcrack* ^.^  
  
//As the dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly//  
  
//When they meet with an obstacle mount to the sky//  
  
  
  
All: ..  
  
Bakura: And that means..?  
  
Seto: They fly over stuff that's in their way.  
  
Others: O.o Oh  
  
  
  
//So up to the house-top the coursers they flew//  
  
//With the sleigh full of toys and Saint Nicholas too//  
  
  
  
Seto: _What_ are_coursers_! *is twitching*  
  
Yugi: Up on the house-top  
  
Duet: Click  
  
Bakura: Click  
  
Mai: Click!  
  
Joey: Down through the chimney Tristan: With Old Saint Nick!  
  
All: O.o *are freaked*  
  
Seto: That was _wrong_ and not the natural order of things.(2)  
  
  
  
//And then in a twinkling I heard on the roof//  
  
//The prancing and pawing of each little hoof//  
  
  
  
Tea: Which would give you a migraine after a while.  
  
Yugi: Not to mention wear and tear on the roof.  
  
All: *nodnodnod*  
  
  
  
//As I drew in my hand, and was turning around//  
  
//Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound//  
  
  
  
Joey: Waitwaitwaitwait. He had a _chimney_ in his bedroom?  
  
Tristan: And wouldn't Mama notice the racket?  
  
Seto: is sarcastic* _Maybe_ it's the _downstairs_ window.  
  
Duet: You couldn't _bound_ down a chimney-no room.  
  
Yugi: If you bound _down_.  
  
Bakura: Super Santa. Leaps tall chimneys with a single bound.  
  
  
  
//He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot//  
  
//And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot//  
  
  
  
Mai: Fur collects dirt _horribly_! Ugh.  
  
Tristan: *whips out paper entitled "Santa's Christmas List"* 1. For people to start hiring chimney sweeps again.  
  
Seto: A-choo! It makes me sneeze just thinking about the dust.  
  
Yugi: Or maybe someone's talking about you.  
  
*Somewhere, in the distance, we hear rabid Seto fangirls drooling over Kaibaboy*  
  
  
  
//A bundle of toys he had flung on his back//  
  
//And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.//  
  
Bakura: *as peddler* And now for just $99999.99 you can have a brand new _car_!  
  
Yugi: *sweatdrop* Um, no they can't.  
  
Bakura: Oh. Oh well. ^.^  
  
Joey: Doesn't he have a piazza box in there somewhere?  
  
Tristan: Food.  
  
Seto: Don't they have a 30-minute guarantee or something?  
  
  
  
//His eyes- how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!//  
  
//His cheeks were like roses! His nose like a cherry!//  
  
  
  
Bakura: O.O And now I have exclamation point afterspots.  
  
Yugi: If his face is that red, his cholesterol can't be good at all.  
  
Tea: Maybe we should leave fat-free cookies.  
  
Joey/Tristan: Eww! *make faces*  
  
Mai: Maybe it just matches his outfit.  
  
Duet: Maybe he's just Irish.  
  
Others: ..  
  
Duet: -_-0 Nevermind.  
  
  
  
//His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow//  
  
//And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow//  
  
  
  
Joey: How is a mouth like bow?  
  
Seto: Like this. *ties Joey's mouth shut*  
  
Tristan: I think it _might_ have been the other kind of bow.  
  
Mai: Of course! Haven't you heard of Cupid Bow lips? Like mine?  
  
Tea: . Show off.  
  
  
  
//The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth//  
  
//And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath//  
  
  
  
Yugi: Santa has some _bad_ habits.  
  
Tristan: Maybe he drinks too.  
  
Joey: It would explain why he's always so merry.  
  
Bakura: No! Santa doesn't drink anything but milk!  
  
Yugi: And Coca Cola. ^-^  
  
  
  
//He had a broad face and a a round little belly//  
  
//That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly//  
  
  
  
Yugi: Chol-es-ter-al.  
  
Mai: There's nothing little about a jelly belly.  
  
Tristan: Jelly Bellies? Please?  
  
Duet: Sorry, fresh out of jellybeans.  
  
Joey: _I_ _want_ _my_ _PIAZZA_!  
  
Tea: Really it's _my_ piazza, since it was _my_ money.  
  
Seto: You actually _want_ that taste monstrosity?  
  
Tea: . Hmm, good point.  
  
  
  
//He was chubby and plump; a right jolly old elf//  
  
//And I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself//  
  
  
  
Yugi: So being fat automatically gets you laughed at?  
  
Joey: That's what fatties are for.(3)  
  
WHAMCRACKSLAM  
  
Girls: *settle back down*  
  
Joey: @.@ Owies..  
  
  
  
//A wink of his eye and a turn of his head//  
  
//Soon gave me know I had nothing to dread//  
  
  
  
Seto: And he thought Santa might be something to dread-why?  
  
Tea: Well, he _kinda_ looks like a clown..  
  
Bakura: Nooo! The evil clowns!  
  
Seto: Point taken.  
  
Joey: Gave me know-is that English?  
  
Tristan: English being defined as?  
  
Yugi: Not this.  
  
  
  
//He spoke not a word but went straight to his work//  
  
//And filled all the stockings and turned with a jerk//  
  
  
  
Tristan: What about under the tree?  
  
Bakura: Egad!(4)  
  
Others: What?  
  
Bakura: That's why the tree presents are all from Parents, because-  
  
Bakura/Yugi/Duet: -Santa only does _stockings_!  
  
Others: *sweatdrop*  
  
  
  
//And laying a finger aside of his nose//  
  
//And giving a nod up the chimney he rose//  
  
  
  
Tristan: I wonder if that would work?  
  
Joey: *walks over and tries it* WOOSH!  
  
Others: O.O!  
  
Yugi: *runs over and pulls Joey back out*  
  
Joey: *coughcough* Never try that at home.  
  
//And he sprang to his sleigh to his team gave a whistle//  
  
//And away they flew like the down of a thistle//  
  
  
  
Tristan: Down of a thistle.?  
  
Yugi: Like Dandelion fluff.  
  
All: Ohhh.  
  
  
  
//But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight-//  
  
  
  
Voice From The Sky: Merry Christmas to all! And to all a good night!  
  
YGO Gang: *Run over to window*  
  
All: Oooooh!  
  
Yugi: It's Santa!!  
  
Seto: Santa _is_ real_! O_O!  
  
All: *in awe*  
  
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(1)- The site I got the poem off of _actually_ had a site page for the debate on Donner/Donder. And people say _I_ have no life.  
  
(2)- I don't own this line. Xander says this after the Buffy gang sings the theory song for the "Once more with feeling" episode. (Bunnies!)  
  
(3)- *ducks blows from angry Joey fans* He's not this mean I know! I lurve him too, but I needed to have _someone_ say it. I also don't condone the teasing of fat people, as I am rather chubby myself.  
  
(4)- No, I'm not making fun of his accent. I was just watching "Pinky and the Brain", so. Egad! Zoinks! NARF!! *cackles*  
  
  
  
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Ta-da! I hope you all like this! Some parts were better than others. O. Well, please review! Have Happy Holidays! ^.^ 


End file.
